THIS NORTHERN SOUL ;
TIME WILL PASS YOU BY
BY : LDMan ©
CHAPTER 7 The Snake
(backing track: Al Wilson-The Snake)
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School Lane (just up the road from the family home) PHIL reluctantly rides his Lambretta GP150 up the road to his eager and excited younger brother, ADY, in order to fulfil his obligations following his knee-trembler off Bernie-the-Bike, skiving off to accomplish said task and the ‘Johnny machine’ incident, all of which ADY is using to ‘blackmail’ PHIL into allowing him to ride his cherished machine across the country to Norfolk. PHIL circles around several times, contemplating the potential disaster he is about to be 'rail-roaded' into and eventually pulls up to a halt at his brothers feet. He drags the scooter, his pride and joy, onto its stand and switches off the ignition. ADY lurches for the handlebars only to received a firm hand in the chest of his bruv. PHIL Whoa! Hold your flaming horses Lone Ranger Have you thought this thing through at all I mean, you won’t even find your way to flamin’ Chester …and you’ve never even ridden anything with a ruddy engine before ADY You worry too much, take a chill pill dood I’ve asked Aitch to come with me and map read I told him ‘manda had loads of fit mates all begging to loose their virginity to a rampant Australian PHIL Aitch? Australian? Bloody hell I didn’t know that ADY Well.......I think he was born on the boat coming home Or conceived on it or something like that PHIL Why don’t you go in his “Mk1 Lotus” Cortina? It’s a smart motor that ADY Mmm! I slipped up and told him where we were going and he’s convinced it’s farm land So he thinks it’ll get covered in cow sh!t or something Can you believe it, the bloody thing was made for rallying PHIL What? So he’s going pillion, with you, all that way ADY No he bottled it completely on that one But he came up with a BRILLIANT alternative I’m going to follow him PHIL I thought you said he was scared of getting pig sh!t on his car?!? ADY Yeh! I did He’s going on the express coach …and I’m gonna follow it These coach drivers have to know ALL the routes you know We can’t go wrong PHIL (laughing his socks off) I don’t bloody believe you You’ll end up lost in Prestatyn …and Aitch’ll be on the ‘Broads by himself for a week ADY (joining in with the frivolity) he’s hoping to be on at least a few broads all week anyway, if his luck’s in PHIL Bloody hell, I’ve got to see you pull this one off Can’t you see though, it’s doomed to failure before you even start? Y’er doomed I tell ye, doomed to failure (grabbing his ‘little’ brother by the neck and ‘knuckling’ his skull) ADY C’mon man, give us a break Have you never heard the saying “he who dares wins” …well occasionally PHIL OK, OK, I give up, let’s get started Have you got any idea how to start a Lambretta? ADY You just kick that pedal on the side and twist that bit (pointing to the throttle) PHIL (groaning) Oh bollocks!, this is going to take SO much longer than I thought ADY I’ll be alright; honest, just show us the basics PHIL (in a justifiably condescending manor) Right! Check you’re in neutral, HERE Petrol, HERE; …ON; …OFF Switch it OFF when you don’t need it or else it’ll p!ss out everywhere …and at seven bob a gallon you don’t want to be wasting any Check the CHOKE and ONLY use it when the engine’s cold Key, Ignition, turn it to HERE for on and back the other way for off Rest your hand by the throttle and kick it over like this (at which point the engine roars into life and ADY almost drifts away into fantasy land as the two-stroke fumes fill the air around them)) ADY (pushing and shoving his way onto the scooter)) Gimmee, gimmee, gimmee C’mon PHIL, shove over, my turn now PHIL Whoa! For God’s sake whoa! You’re like this at ruddy Christmas too Calm down, calm down, I haven’t shown you the bloody gears yet ADY It’s OK, I’ve been watching you … turn that one on the left PHIL Yes, but take your bloody time
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Chapter 7 Chapter 8 |
